As Heaven Is Wide
by Firestar9mm
Summary: My interpretation of episodes 9-11, my favorites of the series. Feedback please!


As Heaven Is Wide  
by Serena  
  
Answer me this: Is Van Slanzar de Fanel's voice Kirby Morrow, the guy who does Trowa Barton?  
(Mmm...Trowa. Mmm...Van. Mmm...something.)  
  
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You...you're an angel...  
That was what she'd thought. There had been nothing under her back, and falling was a weird feeling. But an angel had come to rescue her, had dove from the heavens to grasp her hand. And it was no dream.  
Hitomi remembered the familiar shock that had run through her body when the white feather had settled into her palm. And what she'd seen...  
I have seen it all, she thought, as she always did whenever she had a vision. She felt that no more secrets could possibly be bared to her, that she held the key to the universe.  
She rode the shoulder of the dragon in the form of a man, thinking of the boy encased in the metal god. Just another illusion, the dragon, when this boy really filled the skeleton.   
But I know you now, Van, Hitomi thought. I've seen what you were and I know what you are. I have seen it all; there is no more to see.  
Then it washed over her-that familiar prickling of fear. She quickly closed her eyes and concentrated, seeing the familiar weight of her pendant in her mind. Swing back. Forth. Now to the-  
"Van! Behind you!" she shrieked.  
Sure enough, the guymelef threw off its cloak of invisibility and rushed them. It was those supple blades that spooked Hitomi the most. They reminded her too much of Nina, the snake that would have gotten to taste her if Van hadn't intervened. She'd hated the feel of that scaly dry snake on her body...  
Concentrate, Hitomi!  
"To the right!" she cried. Van cursed and maneuvered, barely evading. Merle hung on to Escaflowne's other arm and meowed for all she was worth.  
"Van, straight ahead!" Hitomi warned. Escaflowne careened to the left to dodge. Hitomi could see moonlight glittering on a lake.  
The problem with running from trouble was that all she could ever see in front of her was Merle. And the problem with Merle was that she always said exactly what Hitomi was trying to block out of her mind, therefore forcing it to Hitomi's attention.  
"Oh no, Lord Van!" Merle cried.   
Hitomi's heart sank like a hunk of coal in her chest. Van was good, but he would lose. There were just too many of the enemy guymelefs. They were going to beat him.   
As always, a blur obscured Hitomi's vision. Scherezade, come to rescue Van. "Allen!" Hitomi cried happily.   
Scherezade leapt into the fray, the beautiful guymelef containing the equally beautiful Allen Schezzar. As usual, Hitomi's heart gave a little leap of joy followed by a sigh of relief. Allen was here, and now everything would be okay. It had to be.   
Those stupid silver blades. Hitomi had a terrible vision of those blades erupting from the guymelefs and chasing her down to the ends of the earth.  
And then one was chasing her down to the ends of the earth, and gaining on her rather quickly. She backed up until the only thing left to do was follow it with her eyes and scream.   
"Hitomi!" Van cried.  
"Hitomi!" Allen echoed, and then Scherezade whisked in front of her. Hitomi heard the sickening crunch as the supple blades pierced guymelef metal skin. It reminded Hitomi of the sound one heard when metal and bone ground against each other.  
"Allen!" she cried. "No!"   
It's my fault, she thought wildly. It's all my fault!  
Not surprisingly, she didn't remember much after that.  
  
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"What do you mean there's no healer aboard!"  
The voices were harsh. Allen looked like death warmed over. His eyes were shut tight, like a newborn kitten's. Hitomi wanted to touch him, but she'd done him enough damage for one night-probably for the rest of his life.  
Her vision always blurred when things went wrong. People became silked and jeweled blurs, smelling of different corners of the world. She wasn't really listening to what anyone was saying. Some seer, some mystic she was if she couldn't even save one person. A person with any real power wouldn't always need to be protected.  
She clutched her pendant tightly in one hand, learning and relearning its shape as she'd done so many other times before. It was a ritual that both soothed and disappointed her; it told her more than anything else that you were the same person, no matter what world you happened to be stuck breathing in.   
  
***********************  
  
Hitomi knelt in prayer, as she had done so many times before. Her hands were clasped at chest level, her fingers laced and intertwined. She sighed, wondering for a brief moment if anyone heard her prayers. She would just have to make the leap of faith one last time and fling her trust to heaven once again. Somebody up there had better attend to Allen, because there was no one down here to do so.  
A hand settled on her shoulder, trying its best to be gentle but feeling as though it wasn't really used to being so.  
She looked up, startled out of her prayer. "Van...!"  
A rectangle of light appeared at the corner of Hitomi's field of vision. It widened, spilling light into the hallway. Princess Milerna peeked around the doorframe, pretty face gray but wide eyes shining, to say Allen lived. And would live.  
"The operation was successful," she sighed, in a voice barely above a whisper. Then she collapsed, exhausted from her long night of work.  
Hitomi breathed an inward sigh of relief. Allen would be all right. She hadn't been responsible for anyone's death. Yet.  
There were still many changes to be made if she was going to help Van. And she would make them. She wasn't going to be the cause of another person's pain any more.  
Next time it could be Van...  
She forced herself not to think about things like that.  
  
**********************  
  
"Van. It's the crack of dawn. Why did you want to see me?" Her tone was complaining, but it masked a hidden hope that gave her heart wings similar to those of the boy who'd called her out here.  
That hope was quickly slain by the familiar sight of Merle, who peeked from behind Van's shoulder and made a face at Hitomi.  
"What are you doing here?" Hitomi asked crossly. It was too early to be dealing with Merle.   
"I don't trust you alone with him," Merle stated matter-of-factly, crossing one leg in front of the other and coming between Hitomi and Van.  
Hitomi turned her attention fully to Van, ignoring Merle. "What is it, Van?"  
"You can see those invisible guymelefs. I need you to show me how to do it. I can't fight them if I can't see them, Hitomi. I need your help."  
Not the reason she was hoping for, but a good reason nontheless. Hitomi smiled. Here, at least, was something she could do.   
It made her so happy to be useful that she almost didn't care that Merle was there. "It's not that hard. Anyone can do it with practice. You just concentrate really hard on what it is you're looking for. Feel where you are; then feel where they are. With practice, you can just see the pendant in your mind. Want to try?"  
Van set his jaw with something close to grim resolve. Hitomi loved that look. "All right. What should I look for?"  
Hitomi opened her mouth to suggest something, but never got the chance.  
"Me! Me!" Merle piped up, nearly bouncing with excitement. "You can look for me, Lord Van!"  
And with that, she scampered off to hide, giggling to herself and repeating, "He'll find me. Lord Van will find me for sure!"  
Hitomi sighed and shook her head. Time to get down to business. This wasn't a game. "All right. Picture your quarry in your mind. Picture Merle. Concentrate on Merle...those pointy ears...that long tail...those whiskers...that loud mouth...and what is it with that nose, anyway?..."  
Merle grumbled something from her hiding place, but Hitomi couldn't make it out. She was aware that she was grinding her teeth together in annoyance. Whoops, was she saying all that stuff about Merle out loud?  
Van made a sound of exasperation. "I can't do it! I just can't do it."  
"Oh, come on, Van!" Hitomi encouraged. "You can't just give up; we've barely started. It doesn't always work on the first try. You just need practice. Watch me." And she stood up straight, with the pendant in front of her.   
She pictured Merle, all those annoying qualities about Merle. Merle who had known Van forever, who had that link to him that Hitomi could never share.  
"There!" she shouted, turning and pointing to the bush that hid the cause of her current problems.  
Merle mumbled something like, "Oh, yeah, like I'm gonna stand up."  
Van called, "Merle?"  
The girl in the form of a cat sprang up as though someone had pricked her with a pin, waving like a maniac. "I'm here, Lord Van! You found me!"  
Hitomi sighed and cradled her head in her hands.  
  
**********************  
  
Hitomi was wandering through the gardens, watching her mood spiral downward into darker and darker waters. Maybe Merle had a point. Maybe it was really Merle that Van loved after all. Maybe he just didn't care for either of them. It wasn't like he had time to worry about such things, anyway. After all, the boy was a king. An orphan king. He held command of the Escaflowne, the prophesied dragon that held the key to the fate Gaea. And he had landed dead center in the middle of a war. He had a lot on his mind right now.  
And that secret...those white wings...  
Merle had known about that, of course. "Don't look at him!" she'd ordered, flinging her arms out wide to shield her childhood friend. She'd had a glimmer at the bottom of her eyes...as if she saw Hitomi as something that would persecute Van, would want to hurt him.  
Hitomi would never hurt Van, would never want anyone else to hurt Van, would fight to see him safe...  
Tell that to Merle. Or don't tell that to Merle; she'd probably just fall asleep.  
Merle had known Van for a long time. Merle did care about Van...  
Hitomi sighed. How was she supposed to compete? There was no way to compare herself and Merle. In the end, it would just be the way Van saw them. It would be Van's choice.   
If he even cared to choose.  
By now, Hitomi had sighed and sat down to rest. These bushes were an excellent place for Merle to hide, she reflected. Van just needed more practice...  
Or maybe it was just one more thing she'd failed at. Maybe she really wasn't of any use at all...  
Maybe Van would be the one thing Hitomi's powers could never locate. Maybe they'd be standing at opposite ends of the world forever, with the wide span of the ages between them.  
And even with that thought, Hitomi knew she'd search forever to find him, even if there was no hope of success, even if she had to traverse across the earth and through the heavens, to Van.  
For ever and always, across heaven to you, she thought.  
Without warning, a hand snaked out and grabbed her wrist.   
Hitomi opened her mouth to scream but the sound never came. The command to run died somewhere from her brain to her feet as she recognized the glinting eyes that focused on her, with a rare smile caught in them. The smile flashed, far-off, like lightning.  
"Found you," Van said, just above a whisper.  
  
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My first-ever Escaflowne fic! I've dredged it up from my archives to post. It's actually about half a year old. You've come a long way, baby...constructive feedback please.   



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